Thoughts about Friends

Thoughts about Friends

By Maggie Gray

I have been quiet for some time, adjusting to my new daily way of life in Fairfax. I always prided myself on being a Gypsy. Moving around the country, never wanting to stay in one spot for too long a period. Florida, Arizona, Tennessee, Michigan, California and Minnesota – all places I’ve called home. I’ve gone swimming with sharks in Bora Bora, snorkeling for hours in pristine turquoise waters.

I’ve gone horseback riding in the Smokies through the hills of Tennessee. I’ve hiked down Angel Falls in Tahoe, arriving at the emerald-colored waters of Emerald Lake. I’ve hiked in Bear Mountain in New York. I’ve gone horseback riding on the beach in San Jose. I’ve taken numerous international flights to enable me to be in South Africa on safari witness to leopard, cheetah, lions, the list is endless. I’ve photographed wolves in Yellowstone and witnessed tourism at its worst. I’ve lived in London, England for months, taking in all that London proper entails - Big Ben, shopping at Harrods, walking the cobblestone streets of Windsor, visiting Windsor Palace and lunching in small bistros in downtown London. I made more plans but Covid stopped everything.

I have been a gypsy so much of my life, often terrified to commit to staying too long for fear I would miss out. I think about my adventures and am anxious to get back on a plane for anywhere so that I can photograph wildlife and soak up the beauty of nature and her gifts.

But once in a while plans go awry. Maybe one encounters financial problems, job issues, health issues, you name it - best laid plans can dissolve in a moment. I spent my June afternoon with a friend whom I’ve loved for almost 12 years. He became my best friend and almost like a warm blanket, often covering me with his laughter when my prior law firm job became unbearable. Now I find myself in new territory, no longer head in the clouds planning my next venture, but waiting to hear from him about biopsy results. Struck with Lymphoma, it’s been hell for him for many months. He lived through excruciating treatment, feeding tubes, chemo and worse. Thinking he was in the clear, a scan revealed another mass mid-June. If the biopsy comes back positive, he will now have to undergo brutal in-patient chemo and cell transplant procedures to stop the cancer. If……….. if………..if it can be stopped.

I sat outside with him today in my little sanctuary-like back yard basking in the glow of him being with me. I was so happy to have him eat all the lunch items I had obtained, knowing how crucial it is for him to gain as much weight back as possible to be prepared for the grueling in-patient treatment he’s facing. I don’t think I’ve said I love you more than I did today. For years he was a rock for me, solid, steady, humorous, brilliant and kind. My birthday while I was working for my previous law firm …. He showed up with balloons, cheesecake and flowers …..always knowing his presence was enough to make my heart laugh and feel loved.

To see him today, seeing his condition, the weight loss, hair loss, pallor skin tone, my head and heart were racing with thoughts. It hit me that of all the people I know in the Twin Cities, too self-absorbed, former “friends”, this beautiful man, this cancer-stricken, determined to live beloved friend, drove out here to see me. Just me, no one but me. I ask other friends, healthy friends, working friends, friends I thought were my friends to come out and see my little town and visit with me. Yet they don’t. Where my thoughts go takes my breath away. It hit me like a freight train that I have given too much credit to people I’ve known, forgiving absences and promises of visits never coming to pass.

My world has changed coming here. I am loving my neighbors, new acquaintances I’m meeting here in town, but sometimes there are friends who are “home”. That is what my friend Jim is to me. As we sat in my backyard, enjoying the warm breeze and gentle scent of my garden flowers, I felt swallowed up by him. My thoughts were going everywhere…..how I’ve loved his friendship for so many years, how I need him in my life as my comfort, and how will I handle it if I lose him?

There is no gentle way to ease out of this article. I don’t want to wrap this up making everyone feel warm and comfortable. I know we have all loved and lost. I know we all have someone or had someone suffering medical crises. My thoughts are from extreme highs to devastating lows. I spent hours and hours preparing my little sanctuary in my yard just for him. All for him. I will never tell him that, but I needed to just breathe him in and know that neither distance, years, job change or cancer can ever stop the love I have held in my heart for my friend. That gorgeous smile, that remarkable laugh, his mind still brilliant in spite of chemo brain, I am overwhelmed with grief and joy. These are my thoughts dear readers. Stop what you’re doing, call someone and tell them you love them. Stop by and visit them. Once the calls stop, the texts stop and they are gone, it isn’t them that missed out on you, it’s your massive loss because you couldn’t take the time. Make the time and tell someone you love them today. Not tomorrow. Today, because that may be all there is left. And to my friend Jim, I love you my dear friend, yesterday, today and tomorrow for as long as that may be.

 

Category:

Subscriber Login