The Future is Now

The Future is Now

By Mark Leitheiser

Earlier this summer, I came face-to-face with the future. It arrived on two wheels and left me in the dust. More specifically, those two wheels were on an electric bike, also known as an e-bike and if we really want to be specific, there were four wheels since there were two e-bikes leaving me in the dust.

My glimpse of the future happened last month when Sweetums and I were out on a bike ride around a lake. We had only been riding a short while when it happened. As we were puffing up a small hill, a young couple pulled out in front of us on their e-bikes. Now, they didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, they couldn’t have been nicer as they smiled and waved to us before effortlessly leaving us in their wake on their e-bikes.

Of course, Sweetums and I could have chosen e-bikes as well but in a nod to tradition and age, we gladly embrace the rigor and rewards of peddling our old bikes up every hill . . . without the assistance of a battery! In other words, we like pain.

I attempted to share our view with the nice young couple as they quickly pulled away from us, rasping, “You aren’t (gasp!) enjoying . . . the rigor (groan!) and . . . re . . .wards . . . of ped . . . (wheeze!) dling . . . your . . . (heave!) bike . . .” And then it was over. The poor slobs didn’t hear a word I tried to say. They were already out of our sight and sound, probably still smiling as they crested the hill. I felt sorry for them, of course, but I figured the future couldn’t look much worse than this. I was wrong by about a mile.

A few minutes after being dusted by our pretty young couple, my view of the future took a darker turn when a boy, maybe ten years old, flew by us on his e-bike. Of course, he was friendly and, thankfully, going the opposite direction so the humiliation didn’t hurt quite so much. Still, it was clear I could never have kept up with him even though he was peddling half as fast as I and breathing easier too.

Worst of all, he was smiling. How can a ten-year-old boy smile while missing all the fun of peddling a bike through childhood? I didn’t have time to explain things to him but if I had, I would have taken him back to a simpler time when a pedal bike was the transportation of childhood dreams.

Those dreams took off in 1963 in California when the folks at Schwinn realized a lot of kids were customizing their bicycles to look like motorcycles. Seeing an opportunity for increased sales, Schwinn introduced the Sting-Ray with high handlebars and the classic banana seat which soon gave children across the country a whole new ride.

Dad bought each of us one new bike from Wisted Brothers Hardware in town. My brother got a deep blue ride with three white stripes on the fenders. Very cool. My sister got a wimpy little green job called the, “Lil’ Princess”. And me? Oh, baby. I topped everybody with my metallic red beauty with “Cheeter Slick” painted on the chain guard. The “Slick” referred to the smooth extra wide back tire but that wasn’t all. This thing boasted raised handlebars and a huge banana seat topped off with a sissy bar in the back. Granted, it would clock me in the back of the head when I leaned back too far but it was worth it. All in all, my Cheeter Slick truly was the stuff of childhood dreams.

Which begs the question, how many e-bikes have you seen with sissy bars? How many with banana seats? And how many with “Cheeter Slick” painted on the chain guards? Precisely zero, I would guess. How sad, for half the fun was in the dreams that fueled the ride through adolescence.

Schwinn may have manufactured a bicycle to look like a motorcycle but no bike was complete without the motorcycle sound. This minor dilemma was solved with a few playing cards, clothespins and a pinch of imagination.

Back in the day, everyone knew how to use Mom’s stolen clothespins to squeeze a card into the spokes of their bikes to create the roaring sound of a motorcycle. The faster you rode, the louder it roared. Need more horsepower? Add another card or two and the deeper, louder rumble would send you on your way. Throw in a few fart sounds with your lips and you were riding a Harley down the street for all the world to see and hear.

Which would often lead to an extra rider. Friends riding on the front handlebars were as common as missing teeth in those days. Yes, there was likely a connection there but it didn’t matter. Friends needed rides and handlebars provided much needed transportation for a generation of kids with missing teeth.

And what about a child’s most basic need for play? Can you imagine children playing cops and robbers on e-bikes? How much of a challenge will e-bikes present when jumping off a ramp of hay bales or when trying to win a wheelie contest on the front lawn? The answer is in your soles.

 At a time when we are concerned about getting kids to put down their phones to go outside to play and exercise, pedal bikes still might have a few miles left on their tires. Batteries power our world in ways we could not imagine but they cannot replace the mind and feet of an active bike rider. Who knows? Maybe one day Sweetums and I will get a set of e-bikes and effortlessly ride into the future with smiles as wide as the sun. Until then, we’ll keep puffing along on our pedal bikes. Stop by if you need a ride on our handlebars.