Grieving the Loss of “Life As We Knew It”

We’ve lost a sense of security.

While life is never completely secure or predictable, life’s uncertainty is apparent right now. For many of us, that uncertainty causes stress and emotional discomfort; for others, the uncertainty of this time might be triggering crippling anxiety. 

We’ve lost physical presence with others.

This is exactly the time when the presence of others would be so comforting, and yet unfortunately it’s much more difficult in light of the physical distancing requirements and Stay at Home Order. Those who live alone may be completely cut off from direct contact with others, and even those of us who share a home with family members are probably craving closer connection with friends.

We’ve lost freedom.

The ability to choose our own actions is a basic psychological need. You need to feel that you have freedom in what you do, where you go, and whom you associate with. We always live with some constraints, of course, but those constraints have drastically increased, basically overnight.

We’ve lost the ability to contribute.

You may be suddenly missing opportunities to exercise your abilities. Actors can’t act, athletes can’t compete, and therapists can’t lend a listening ear (at least not in the same room as their clients). From massage therapists to barbers, waiters to chefs, countless individuals suddenly find themselves out of work.

We’ve lost our (imagined) immediate future.

Many of us had hopes and plans for upcoming events, perhaps things we’ve looked forward to for so long and dreamed about in such detail that it’s almost unimaginable that they won’t actually happen. High school seniors are missing the end of their senior year and may not have a prom or graduation. Many college seniors won’t see some of their friends again. Weddings have had to be rescheduled or held virtually. Long-awaited vacations and conferences have been canceled; celebrations of golden wedding anniversaries postponed. These aborted plans leave a hole where our hopes once were, and lead to their own form of grieving.

We’ve lost a connection to self.

On a deeper level, you may even be missing a feeling of being connected to yourself—of knowing who you are and what your life consists of and what you imagine your future will look like. Stress, anxiety, and overwhelming uncertainty can cut us off from feeling grounded within ourselves. Who will we be in this new reality, however temporary it may be?

Make Space to Grieve 

If you’re feeling grief about things you’ve lost, be compassionate toward yourself. Know that it’s normal to feel the way you feel. Expect there to be ups and downs—you may feel surprisingly normal, even joyful, at times, and then be blindsided by sadness. Talk about how you’re feeling with people you care about, and meet them in their grief, too.

If you’re feeling lost and disconnected from yourself, take time to pause and sit in stillness. Close your eyes and take ten slow, smooth breaths. Feel your awareness come into your body. 

You might also consider writing about your experience, which can be a very constructive way to work through thoughts and feelings. There’s no need to try to “solve” anything through the writing—use it simply as an outlet to express what you’re going through.

Don’t worry if you think you’re more affected by all the life disruption than the people around you are. Others may be feeling things you’re not aware of, or their grief may emerge over time. Or maybe it’s just hitting you harder than it hits others. People have all kinds of reactions to loss and change—let yours be what it is.

 

Finally, take care not to criticize yourself for feeling sad when so many others have lost so much more. It’s common to feel guilty for grieving when life is still good in so many ways (as I hope yours is), and to tell ourselves we should feel gratitude, not grief. Know that the two are not incompatible; even the grateful can mourn.

Need Help Right Now?

If feel like you want to harm yourself or others, Call 911 

•        Mobile Crisis: 1-800-432-8781 (24/7) 

•        Woodland Centers - Crisis Center: 320-231-9158 or 1-800-432-8781 

•        Renville County Human Services: 320-523-2202 (8-4:30pm M-F)

•        Text MN to 741741 or call *CRISIS (**274747) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Source: WebMD Grieving the Loss of Life as We Knew It 

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